


of broken but beautiful souls

by winterants



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Beta Read, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24752821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterants/pseuds/winterants
Summary: Like others too, Kenma wished that his soul is beautiful.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 11
Kudos: 106





	of broken but beautiful souls

**Author's Note:**

> for a dear friend, who suddenly messaged me asking if i could write kuroken angst soulmate au. it is an honor for me to write another pair (really)  
> and for another dear friend, who helped me overcome my fear of writing soulmate aus. because only god knows how scared i am of writing this type of prompts.  
> i was really nervous while writing this haha ;;;;;;;;;;;

The little mark on his wrist somehow acted as a reminder of the pain that will haunt him for the rest of his life. It was something that everyone was excited for, a reminder that one day, each and every single person on Earth would get someone who would be their perfect soulmate. The concept itself is something that fascinates everyone who hears it. A person who would be the perfect, equal, another half for you? Who wouldn’t want it? 

But for Kenma, it was more of a curse than a blessing. 

The mark had appeared on the same day that Kuroo had become his new neighbor. Kenma still remembered how his wrist literally burned that day, how he went to his mother with tears flowing down endlessly down his cheeks. How do people see this as a blessing when it literally burns your skin the second it makes its presence noticeable? Kenma doesn’t understand the concept of soulmates at all. His mother calmed him down, whispering soft assurance before they went out to greet their new neighbor. 

Days passed since the incident, Kenma slowly forgetting about the presence of the mark as Kuroo had made his presence well-known into his life. His days became brighter, as he followed Kuroo along to play volleyball all the way until high school. For once, he was happy and satisfied with his life- despite being a year younger than Kuroo, the age gap didn’t matter at all as both of them could get along well enough. As long as Kuroo stayed by his side, nothing in the world could scare him.

But of course, nothing stays the same in life. People come and go. Whatever fate has planned for him must happen. That was the ultimate unspoken rule in life. 

The tiny mark on his wrist had slowly grown ever since Kenma had entered Nekoma. It was something expected- as the soulmate mark prepares itself to function properly. At the age of 18, the soulmate mark would serve as a sensor for people to find their soulmates. They would feel some kind of random reaction from their bodies- usually, a tingling sensation, sometimes an itch, much weirder cases would involve feeling like their body had just finished a triathlon. The side effects were definitely something that Kenma didn’t really anticipate a lot. But it’s okay, he still has a year to go. 

Alas, for Nekoma’s current captain, it was time. Kenma had a hunch that Kuroo’s soulmate mark had evolved completely, as there were times when he had caught their captain having some odd reactions coming from him. Sometimes he would sneeze out of the blue when they were walking out of the school gates. There were also times he suddenly stopped his conversation for a whole minute as if trying to calm down. Kenma had a lot of things that he had suspected from Kuroo. One of his suspicions was that he wasn’t sure if it was common for people to suffer from various reactions at once. But hey, he still has a year to go, right? Maybe he would understand once he had gotten the symptoms himself. 

The second one was that he wondered if Kuroo was acting all weird because the soulmate mark was trying to tell him that his soulmate has actually been beside him all this time. But Kenma didn’t dare to voice out the latter, afraid that it would ruin the friendship that they had kept all these years.

Karasuno’s abrupt appearance at the summer camp that one beautiful summer did not make things any better. 

It took no idiot (except for Lev, maybe) to not realize that Kuroo’s eyes had been set on one of Karasuno’s middle blocker since day 1 of the camp. Kenma wasn’t a fan of Kuroo’s late practice with his two other friends from Fukurodani, but he knew that Tsukishima- that was his name, if Kenma wasn’t mistaken- had joined their practice halfway through the camp. He knew that they had gotten closer thanks to that practice, but Kenma couldn’t shake the thought out of his head that somehow the way Kuroo looks at him nowadays had slightly changed too. He couldn’t pinpoint it out, but if he were to describe it with one word- it felt like Kuroo was looking at him with  _ pity _ . 

Did Kuroo realize that he too had a slight hunch about who his soulmate is supposed to be? But it’s not like he could confirm it at that very moment, they still had to wait another year. 

Kenma didn’t understand back then. Oh, how much of a fool he was to not get the hint at all. But in a way, it wasn’t something he could control either. If he was a year older, maybe he would understand why. 

—————————————

When The Battle at the Garbage Dump **_finally_** happened, Kenma noticed that Kuroo was trying very hard to hide his symptoms during the battle. It made him wonder how did the other third years bear with the pain. Or perhaps, could it be that unlike Kuroo, they have yet to meet with their significant other? Kenma took a glance at the third-year players from Karasuno. He may not have the completely-evolved mark yet, but even he knows that Karasuno’s captain had already found his perfect, star-crossed soulmate. The way that their player #2 was looking at him was all the explanation he needed. 

How lucky for both of them, they didn’t need to be on guard between each other just like how he and Kuroo are doing right now towards each other. 

Could it be that Tsukishima was the one for Kuroo? Ah, but Tsukishima is 2 years younger than their captain. That will take even more time to confirm Kenma’s theory. It’s not like he would be able to meet him when his soulmate-mark had fully evolved. Kenma looked at his own wrist before looking back towards their captain, the old suspicion that he had since the day Kuroo’s mark developed still buried deep in his heart. 

It’s not like he wished that the tale of him and his soulmate would be the ‘childhood friends turned to lovers’ trope. He was actually a bit scared of how if they actually became more than friends, would it leave a bitter impact if fate suddenly turned against them? But alas, all these things are just endless possibilities, because neither Kuroo nor Kenma can do anything at the moment but wait. 

The thoughts about his soulmate flew out of his mind when the whistle that indicated the match was starting finally blew. 

They had lost to Karasuno, and for the first time in Kenma’s journey in volleyball, he actually had a lot of fun. It was a match that definitely took his breath away, as every tactic that they threw at Karasuno was tackled head-on and vice versa. Kenma had to admit that for once, he was actually a bit sad that the match was over. 

Their run in the Nationals was over. But that didn’t mean they needed to head home immediately. They still wanted to watch their friends’ other matches. Besides, the Nationals are held in Tokyo. And so they stayed, cheering on towards their friends as Karasuno went on towards the next match. 

They lost. 

The night after Karasuno’s run in the Nationals ended, Kuroo went out to see Tsukishima. Kenma didn’t need to ask why. It was obvious, Kuroo was probably going to reveal to him that he’s actually his soulmate. They were destined to be together. He was happy for his friend. Who wouldn’t be happy that they’re able to find their soulmate at the same age the mark had manifested itself? It was an act that didn’t happen so often, people would label it as a miracle that came from the heavens. 

But Kenma did feel slightly bitter, wondering if the early signs that Kuroo had developed was an error. Is that even possible for the oh-so-perfect system that humans had believed for centuries-long?

After he had returned from meeting the younger middle blocker, Kuroo calmly spilled the news to Kenma. 

“I’m dating Tsukishima now.” 

“...So he’s the one?” 

“I’m not sure yet, we’ll have to wait for another two years. But I’m confident that it’s him.”

“…. Congratulations. Good luck with your long-distance relationship.” 

Despite giving Kuroo his best wishes, somewhere deep inside in Kenma, he started feeling a slight pain that burned his skin alive. It was similar to the pain that he first had when he was a kid. Similarly, but at the same time, the fire was somehow more intense than before. 

Like it was screaming in agony. 

—————————————

When Kenma turned 18, everything made perfect sense. 

The burn he felt on his wrists amplified intensely. It was a scream of pain, of agony, of all the negative emotions that existed in the world, bottled up into one place. And it all happened after his mother had asked him to send some food to Kuroo’s household.

At the exact moment, Kuroo had opened the door, Kenma knew that both of them could feel it. The raging anger, asking both of them the same questions.  
  
_Both of you were meant to be. We made you become each other’s halves in heaven.  
But why are you here, treating each other just as friends and not soulmates?_

So Kenma was right all along. 

“Kenma..” Kuroo’s voice turned hoarse, afraid to say any other words to end the eerie, terrible silence that was clouding them. 

“You knew, yet you didn’t say anything.” Kenma’s voice was filled with a serpent’s poison, anger slowly engulfing him. 

“I wanted to, but-“ The fire that was engulfing their skin grew more intense as Kenma’s hatred grew along. “I thought I was pretty obvious with my reactions. Didn’t you realize that all of those things happened when I was around you?” 

“How was I supposed to know how these things were supposed to react when you meet your soulmate? When I came, all I felt was anger and fire trying to melt my skin because my oh-so-called soulmate actually has someone else and didn’t bother to tell me about it despite having a year to tell it!!” The usually timid Kenma broke out of his character as the anger and frustration that he had kept in for a year finally exploded. 

The last straw broke when they both heard footsteps coming down from the second floor. It was Tsukishima, who had woken up from his sleep thanks to the loud commotion that was happening at the door. Not being able to process anything anymore, Kenma dropped the food just like that before he ran away. 

He felt so weak, so stupid, so blind. He  _ had _ noticed all the little tidbits that had happened when Kuroo was around him. Was it his fault that he didn’t have the courage to voice it out? But even the latter himself had noticed it too, so how come he was so confident in voicing out that Tsukishima was the one despite all of that?

How can he even have the guts to do all of that despite knowing the truth?

Screw that, how did Kuroo think that he would have the guts to say anything about it? He never cared about the soulmate-marks. Was it even needed in today’s society? Do people actually still believe that their soulmate is their perfect partner? What if their soulmate is a robber? Or a villain? Would their soulmates be living happily ever after? Kenma could only cry the whole day as the flame that was inside him slowly dimmed itself, as he realized that some part inside him had finally broken. 

It was his heart, torn and shredded into a thousand pieces. 

—————————————

Cases like Kenma’s happen only once in a century. Apparently the way that these soulmates were appointed were so fool-proof that they would call those who had lost their soulmates as broken souls. It might as well be the perfect description to explain Kenma’s current condition. Broken, with no one able to heal him.

His mother had heard the news, the only thing she could do was hug her son as he continued to cry in pain as the fire underneath his skin continued to be set ablaze. There was no cure for the broken souls. Most of them were usually left to be abandoned, a tiny error from the system that nobody could fix. This wasn’t fair at all, why was Kenma the only one suffering? Did the love that Kuroo received from Tsukishima was strong enough that it was able to calm the raging fire that was unsatisfied with Kuroo’s stupid decision? Also, what about Tsukishima’s soulmate? Are they all alright? 

Apparently, Kenma had discovered something anew while he was having a conversation with Hinata over the phone. Tsukishima had two marks- one on the left, and one on the right. The left one had been for Yamaguchi, the other first-year from Karasuno. The said person was now dating someone else, not like Kenma could care any more than that to search who it was. 

The right one had been for Kuroo. 

And it seemed like Kuroo also had two soulmate marks too- hence the multiple symptoms that had attacked him endlessly during his final year of high school. One for Tsukishima, one for Kenma. Yet Kenma only had one mark, and Kuroo had chosen Tsukishima over him.

So Kenma was the only broken, lonely soul in this century. And he continued to mourn even worse than before once Hinata had told him the complete story. Hinata couldn’t do much, he felt guilty that his dear friend had to go through this turmoil of emotions all by himself. It's not like he could help, he having found his soulmate just recently as well.

“But you know, Kenma. Even if people call you a broken soul, I personally don’t think that you are one.” Determined to cheer up the older one, Hinata gave him his signature smile that could shine as bright as the sun.

“What are you talking about, Hinata?” 

“I mean, aren’t souls very powerful things? I don’t think they are things that we could break easily. And I know that a stupid soulmate-system shouldn’t be one of the things that are strong enough to break your soul. I mean, you’re Kozume Kenma. I know you won’t let a stupid mythical system put you down. You can do even better than that.” 

“That’s something bold of you to say. I don’t have any confidence in myself to say those words.” Hinata stood in front of him, his hands cupping his head as the orange-haired looked at him in the eye. The eyes burned with determination, in contrast to Kenma's dull eyes that had lost their spark the day he had fought with his best friend/platonic soulmate.

“Do you want to be free?” A nod. 

“Do you want to fly and see what the world can bring you?” Another nod. 

“Then show it to me, Kenma. Show me your true colors, and show the world that your ‘oh-so broken soul’ is actually one of the most beautiful souls there is and that it deserves someone better than your soulmate.”

—————————————

For someone who often associates himself to a cat -who are well-known to be scared of heights- Kenma really did fly higher than he could ever have done before. 

He became a Youtuber, and somehow his family’s knowledge of stocks became a huge advantage for him as he became the CEO of his own sports company- all while still being a university student. Kenma had long abandoned Kuroo, the latter disappeared somewhere while his boyfriend had stayed in Miyagi. How ironic it is that among all of them, Tsukishima was one of the few who still played volleyball despite seeing it as just a club before. 

When he made his breakthrough on Youtube, news articles popped up saying that he was one of the few rare cases of a broken soul with no soulmate. Kenma had tackled the gossip with a live stream stating that he is indeed a soul that didn’t get the chance to feel what it's like to be in love, but he had finally turned the tables against him as he himself had evolved. 

“I don't need to have a soulmate to know what it’s like to be happy. I can find that emotion by myself.” 

Like how a butterfly could fly high after hiding in its cocoon for a certain period of time, that was how Kenma soared towards the world, showing them his beautiful imperfections. The fire that danced slowly underneath his skin was now a comfortable presence in his life. Before, it was a curse that haunted him, a constant reminder that he would never be loved by the person that fate had chosen for him. But now, it was a blessing for him, to remind him of all the pain he had to go through to reach this state. The public audience was amazed, and Kenma’s name began to become well-known among the youngsters in Japan. 

Everything went absolutely well, until the day Kuroo suddenly messaged him.

Meeting Kuroo again after years was an event that Kenma didn’t really anticipate. They were only standing a few meters from each other, but the soulmate mark was viciously screaming at their respective bodies, demanding why they weren’t together. Every step closer they walked towards each other, the fire grew more intense, as if the fire was now a blue fire, tempting to pop the blood vessel inside their bodies. None of them started the conversation, both their egos battling out to see who would submit first. 

This means it’s an easy win for Kenma, considering that the one at fault was definitely the latter. 

“Look, I’m sorry. Okay? For everything. From not telling you that you were my soulmate until I started dating Kei, even if I know you were my soulmate. You probably heard the full story from Hinata, right? About Kei’s condition and mine.” 

“Yes, I have.” Kenma kept his answers short. 

“I get it, okay! I’m the bad guy. Your whole body kept burning but here I am, saturated because I had another soulmate to cool the burning pain that I have because of my decision.” Kuroo showed his marks, one of them grew much bigger than a few years back while the other mark had shrunk in return. Kenma only let out a small scoff, as he showed Kuroo his mark that had never changed. 

“It’s not like I didn’t love you-“ Kenma stopped Kuroo’s explanation before he started talking.

“I want to say it’s okay and that I forgive you.” He started, stopping Kuroo from smiling before he continued his sentence. “But, until the day I die, I am reminded of the pain that nobody would love me well enough as a soulmate should while here I am, loving someone far from my reach the same way I had loved him for so long. I want to say that I’ll be well, but the mark here will always be a reminder of something I couldn’t have. You don’t have to be sorry for me, Kuroo.” He smiled at the latter with a smile that was so ethereal, a smile that showed Kuroo that Kenma was indeed happy now.

“Because I finally earned my wings and I learned to make the fire inside me to change into something more…. bearable.” 

The fire inside of Kenma’s body simmered down, leaving only tiny traces of ash and fire dancing along. It became like a spark that danced through his veins, a beautiful song that was sung of new hopes and dreams. Kuroo could feel the change himself, as the anger that was around them also died down along with the fire. 

“I told myself that it’s okay to be the broken one. It’s okay to get hurt sometimes. I’ll get over it. Just like I always do.” Kenma stretched his arms as he looked outside the windows. “I won’t lie though, I do want to have a soul as beautiful as yours and Kei’s, but some things are just out of our range.” 

“So this means you’re okay with it?” Kuroo slowly whispered, the guilty tone still lingering.

“Do I even have a choice if I’m not okay with it?” Kenma turned around, slowly leaving Kuroo behind. He was okay now. He had finally gotten over it. Kuroo’s right; they were childhood friends since before they knew the concept of soulmate-marks existed. It would have been weird if they were to date each other anyway. 

Not all happy ever after’s had to end with being with someone, right?

Kenma’s steps grow bolder as Kuroo’s silhouette grows smaller. This was it, his final step in order to become completely free. He dropped the soulmate baggage that he had been holding for years, the weight reminding him of how much tears he had shed because of one silly mythology. He dropped the memories of him and Kuroo together, his whole perception of Kuroo long changed since the day they had that big fight. 

His soul is a beautiful soul. A broken soul that was once shattered but rebuilt into becoming something much, much majestic than the normal human soul. And that soul is his, and only his. No one else had the right to claim the other half of it.

And on the count of three, Kenma flew off towards the wide horizon. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this until the end!  
> also for my dear friend who requested this- i hope i did justice to what you wished for.


End file.
